Playing the Mickey Mouse Song for the Star...

One road girl stripper who thought she was a star performed at the Follie's Burlesk Theater in Kansas City, Missouri for one week. She kept going on about how pretty she is and about what a "star" she is.

She had a heavy accent. It sounded like she was from France. The rest of us girls soon realized that she did not understand English too well. This was too good to resist.

We kept telling her how good she was and what a star she was. We kept on about how she was going to be the best there ever was. She ate this up like a hound dog.

What she did not realize was that we were sitting her up to make a fool out of herself. I am the one who decided how to do it.

I borrowed a record from my babysitter - "The Mickey Mouse Club" theme song. I told the girl that I had a record that would make her famous. I told her that all the big stars danced to this song and that is what make them stars. She was ecstactic, to say the very least. She wanted it in her show.

I was the stock girl; so I was in charge of playing the records and running the show. I waited until her last number when she had everything off to play it. All of us girls were laughing until our sides busted. Here is this young, good-looking naked girl out on the stage dancing around sexy to ---- M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! We were laughing so much.

She got off stage. We told her how good she did and how she was going to be a star for sure and that she just needed to use that record on all her shows. She said, "It sounded like a duck!"

Turnedd out she was not as dumb as we all thought. She would not let me play it anymore. Needless to say, we did not hear anymore "star" talk out of her for the rest of the week.

Opal as PHONE SEX GRANDMA:

People Telling us They Were Just Doing their Jobs...

Some of the strippers, especially, the ones just starting, had a misconception of the business. For some ungodly reason, they thought that they were a "star". They were too stupid to realize that there was nothing glamorous about getting up in front of a bunch of horny men, some who were "jacking-off" while watching, and taking off their clothes to music.

I was not dancing. It was stripping to the music. There was nothing glamorous about it. But with some of us it was a form of self-expression which was violated many times when we were busted by the police and thrown in jail.

One time in Chicago when I was busted, the undercover agent said to the ticket man and me while he was hauling us downtown, "You understand, don't you, that we're just doing our jobs?" I wanted to reply, "So are we".

Opal, the X-Rated Grandma, aka THE OLD STRIPPER:

People Eating Garbage...

I had never heard of people eating garbage. I did not even know this happened. I will never forget the first timeI saw this.

I was in New York City. It was late at night. I was leaving the parking area. I turned on my lights and started to back up when I saw them.

I was shocked. Three or four people were digging in the trash getting food and eating it. I could not move. The peole looked up at me. They had a look of fear on their faces. I left.

At that point, I counted my many blessings. At different, difficult times in my life, I remembered this scene to help me realize that I could endure.

THE X-RATED GRANDMA on YouTube:

Fighting Over Pete....

There was this old Greek man who was, at least, in his eighties named Pete. He was a a cook at the Golden Pheasant Restaurant. This place was a "hang-out" for us strippers who danced at the State Burlesk Theater on Tuscawaras Street in Canton, Ohio. I always joked around with him telling everyone that he was my boyfriend.

There was a stripper who, occasionally, worked at the theater that, for some reason I cannot remember, did not like me; and I did not like her. She started, one day, teasing me about Pete. She was so stupid that she could not see that I was only joking about the situation of his being my boyfriend.

I ignored her until she started running Pete down - making fun of him. Pete was a nice person and did not deserve some nut like her saying bad things about him such as how he probably could not even get a "hard on" and more deragotory comments that I cannot remember.

At that point, I decided that I would not give her the satisfaction of even telling her the difference - that he was really not my boyfriend; and I was only joking to have a good time and to make him feel good. Instead, I stood up for him letting the dummy realy thnk that Pete was my boyfriend.

Later on that day I was sitting in the Golden Pheasant talking with Pete and one of the waitresses. This stripper walks in. She starts telling Pete that he should not have anything to do with me because I am such a bitch. I told her to shut up; but she just kept it up.

This prompted me to get out of the booth and walk toward her. I was boiling with anger. She said, "I don't want to fight!" I said, "Well, I do!"

I had her down on the floor and was getting the most of her when the waitress and the cook jumped in. This girl had long, thick blond hair. All three of us women had ahold of it. She screamed, "Let go of my hair!" We would probably still be pulling her hair if Mr. Manos, the owner and Pete had not broke us up.

Mr. Manos hollered at the girl to leave and she was wobbling out the door. But I was not satisfied. I started to go after her again; but Pete stopped me and put me in the booth and sat so I could not get out.

This incident is an example of my stubborn attitude. I would cut off my nose to spite my face. I could have told her the truth; and she would have probably laughed about it and went on. But for some reason, I did not like her and did not want to give her this satisfaction of knowing the truth. Then when she blasphemed a good person like Pete, that mad up my mind not to tell her. I should have ignored her; but many times ignorance is so profound that it cannot be ignored.

Opal, THE OLD STRIPPER:

George feeding Chico...

Lori Lanier and I wre striping in Cleveland, Ohio. E were going to only be gone a few days for the booking; so we kept our motel room rented inCanton, Ohio because that is where we usually stayed when we were not working. My boyfriend lived in Canton; so I liked to be around him as much as possible.

The managre at the burlesk theater in Cleveland offered to boo us for two weeks. We took the offer. Therer was only one problem - Chco.

Chico was Lori's spider monkey. She had left him n his cage with enough food and watdrer for the length of time that we would be gone. But if we stayed for two more weeks, he did not have enough food and water.

We were not sure what to do. Then we decided to call my boyfriend. He agreed to take what Lori told him to take - apples - to the motela nd give them to the monkey.

When we got back to Canton it waw sreally funy. George had just thrown the apples in the cage. He had not cut them up or anything.

He said that he had gone to the desk clerk and told him that he needed to give the apples to hte monkey. Thedesk clerk told him that they could not let him in our room without our permission. He told them, "I don't watnt inthe damn room! Here's theapplsee! You give them to the monkey!" They let him inthe room.. guess they did not watn to feed the monkey.

THE X-RATED GRANDMA:

Lori Ran off with Vince...and Garbage....

My friend, Lori, was bisexual. I did not know this when I first met her. I had no clue. As a matter of fact, after I had known her for awhile, she had developed an affair with the fourteen year old son of the people who owned the Pink Pussy Cat strip club where we stripped in Kansas City, Missouri. She was nineteen.

My kids and I were in Syracuse, New York. I heard a knock at my door. I answered it and saw Lori and Vince, the fourteen year old. He had run off with her.

We had a lot of fun with him. We teased him a lot and told him stories he really believed. One funny story was about eating garbage.

We told him that my kids and I had to pick through the garbage to get enough to eat. Of course, my kids caught on right away and chimed right in. He believed us.

To really convince him, we told him one night that we were going to go to the different alleys to look for food. He was shocked!

We loaded him and my kids in the car and cruised some alleys. We locted some garbage cans. Lori, the kids, and I got out all excitedly talking about how we bet there was some good food in those bags. We loaded the trunk up with the bags. Vince was speechless. It was so funny to see him so shocked. We never did tell him the difference.

Vince was only in Syracuse for a couple of weeks when I got a call from Kansas City, his parents. They asked if Vince was there. I said, "Yes". He was sitting right next to me. They hold him a ticket for him was waiting at the airport; and he better be on the next plane coming to Kansas City.

His family was the type of Italian family that Lori and I had enough sense to know not to mess with. We took him straight to the airport - no questions asked.

She missed him; but I think I missed him more than she did. He was a handy babysitter.


The X-RATED GRANDMA: Dirty Stories from the Kitchen:

Meeting Lori at the Pink Pussycat....

One of my best friends that I worked with as a stripper was Lori Lanier from Calgary, Canada. She was only nineteen when I met her. I was about twenty six.

I ws dancing at the Pinik Pussy Cat strip bar in Kanssas City, Missouri as well as the Follie's Burlesk Theater. She was a new tripper at the Pink Pussy Cat. This is how we met.

I got her into the business of stripping the ethe burlesk theaters I saw her dancing at the Pink Pussy Cat. She was so pretty. I could see that she could make a lot of money on the road stripping.

We developed a sister type of relationship. She would occasionally travel with my kids and me. I trusted her completely with them. She helped me out a great deal when she was with us by helping me with my kids and by being a part of our family.

THE X-RATED GRANDMA - Dirty Stories:

Mon Cherie, Chicken Soup - Somewhere on the Road...

I was raised in Lamar, Missouri which was extremely prejudiced against blacks at that time. I was taught to be this way. Most of the black people I have come in contact over the years since I left Lamar, Missouri have pulled the blinders of racial prejudice away from my eyes and permitted me to judge them as people instead of what my birth into ignorance had taught me to do.

The first lesson I learned in this area was taught to me by a stripper I worked with on Al Baker's circuit for many years. She was a tall nice looking black girl named Mon Cherie. This was her stage name. I never knew her real name.

It was the year of 1973. I had enrolled my little girl into a girl's Catholic boarding school in Covington, Kentucky - Villa Madonna Academy. I had to make a down payment of a little over five hundred dollars in May; so she could go to school the following September. I had it figured out oto the penny how I would save enough to do this. My budget left me about two dollars a week for food. I was talking to Mon Cherie about this.

Most of us girls carried around a little tin container that plugged into the wall and held such things as a cup of water or a can of soup - to heat up. I had one. I had it figured out how to survive. I drank a lot of hot water anyway. Also, I had a jar of honey and a jar of vinegar. I heated water and made a tea of this with my little electric pot. I had a jar of wheat germ that I ate as cereal; so with these items, I was certain I would not starve to death. It would be difficult; but I could do it. Also, I fasted a few days a week anyway to keep my body looking good.

I liked Mon Cherie already as a person; but what she did for me - I will always remember and appreciate forever. She was packing to go to the next town to dance. She had some instant chicken soup in her reservoir of food. She said, "Here!" as she handed me two packages of them. I said, "Oh! No! That's alright! I'll be O.K.". Needless to say, she made me take them. Later, when I drank the soup, I appreciated her generousity. And even though I am a vegetarian now, everytime I see chicken noodle soup, I think of her act of kindness. It is a good thought.

Her kindness to me helped me to survive and accomplish my financial goal for my daughter. But more than that it began my mental elevation of transition from the depths of ignorance.

THE X-RATED GRANDMA: Dirty Stories from the Kitchen:

Black Stripper at the Fruit and Vegetable Store

A black girl who I had worked with for quite sometime - we were both strippers on the Al Baker circuit - told me the following story. I do not remember her name.

We were working together at the State Theater in Canton, Ohio for the week. Across the street on the same side of the road on the corner was the Golden Pheasant Restaurant owned by Mr. Manos, an old Greek man. Next door was a Greek grocery store owned by him. One or two doors down was another small grocery store which had, mainly, fresh fruits and vegetables. It was more what you would call a vegetable and fruit store.

My co-worker said she went to buy some fruit and vegetables at this store. She got a grocery cart and started walking around. Almost immediately one of the women who worked at the store started following her around. My friend just acted like she did not notice. She filled up her grocery cart to the hilt. The employee tailed her all the time she was shopping.

The stripper went to pay for the groceries. The same woman who had been following her was all happy and excited as she went to the register to check her out. We later learned that she was the owner. She figured the tatal and told my friend what she owed. My friend said, "I don't want any of it". The woman screamed, "What?" The stripper replies, "You've been following me around like I'm gonna steal a pice of your fruit. I work next door at the burlesk. I don't have to steal your fruit. I don't want any of it!"

I wa glad she did that. Back in the early 1970's people were still so openly prejudiced. his store keeper not only had a prejudice against blacks but, also, strippers. I feel that the stripper demonstrated liberation for her race as well as her profession.

THE X-RATED GRANDMA: Talking about Shit:

My Definition of Ignorance

I define ignorance as something an intelligent person does even though he knows that he should not do it. My family - mother, father, brother, and sistres - have hurt me time after time. Even though this has happened, I still go back for more. I am not sure if I enjoy the emotional pain, If I am just ignorant, ro if the family love that I have for them is so deep that no matter how much they hurt me I still love them and still want to associate with them. It is painful as I write this.

One example of my ultimate display of ignorance is het fact that I am always afraid dof hurting their feelings. They say bad things to me to make me feel bad. I could bring up things they haave doone to me in the past to top of anything they could say to me; but I do not. I do not want to hurt their feelings. But, at times, I feel that my words would not hurt them because they do not like me anyway.

Opal aka THE X-RATED GRANDMA - Talking about Shit:

My Dad Telling Me I am the Scum of the Earth...

I had a lot of fun when I was working as a stripper. It was one of the best, if not the best, times of my life. Not only was I making enough money for my kids and me; but the job, also, provided a way for all of us to see places we would probably never been able to see if I had chosen a "regular" life for us.

My daddy once told me, "You're the scum of the earth - doin' that dancin' - takin' off your clothes! If you're gonna do that, you shouldn't of told your kids!" I reeplied to his comments by letting him know that I wanted my kids to know who I really am and love me for the kind of person I am and not for someone I pretended to be. I, also, made the decision when I started to dance as a stripper that I was not going to be ashamed of what I was doing and not hide it from anyone - not even my kids. I decided that if I was going to be ashamed of it, then I would not do it.

This type of thinking is something that my dad is incapable of acquiring because his mind is saturated with the life-style of the small-town hypocritical, provincial thinking that the people of Lamar, Missouri hold so high.

Opal as PHONE SEX GRANDMA on YOUTUBE:

John Working for My Dad Instead of Me....

I have always loved my children, John and Melissa, more than life itself. I always bought them anything they wanted. One time Melissa and I were arguing; and I asked her if at anytime during her life when she wanted something if I got it for her. She thought for a moment and said, "Well, one time I wanted a 10-speed bike; and you didn't get it for me". That was because she had a regular one; and I did not feel that she needed a 10-speed one. As much as I spoiled them, I was just as strict.

One of the strict ways I had with them was to teach them to work. I tried to instill in them a little bit of the attitude toward work the way my old boss, Barney Eagon, had for me. From doing this, they both know how to work.

John and Melissa were teenagers when I started a second-hand business in Lamar. I told my kids, "I want to make it so hard on you with working that when you work for a mean boss, you will think it is easy compared to the work I made you do".

They had to clean the merchandise. There were certain things they had to get done before I got back from the auctions where I bought most of the merchandise. Sometimes it would be two or three o'clock in the morning when I got home. Sometimes they had to go to school the next day. But if they had not done the job they were supposed to do or just did it half-way, I would make them get out of bed and do it right.

John got fed up and decided he wanted to go live with Grandad, my dad, for the summer. Daddy said, "Send him to me, I'll make him work". I saw John a couple of weeks later. I said, "Well, John, how do you like working in the hot hayfield?" He replied, "Well, Mother, it's hard; but it's not as hard as working for you!"


THE X-RATED GRANDMA Talking about Shit

Lesson From My Parents and Barney...

There are many, certain ways that I was raised that I do not agree. The main one is the small-mindedness that was bred into me. Luckily, I overcame that.

One lesson I took from my childhood and have cultivated was one my mother taught me - always take care of our kids, no matter what - you are not worth what you are made of if you don't - other things will come and go, but your kids will always be there. My father taught me that it is important to be a good worker and pay your bills no matter what.

I have always tried to be a good worker. I always try to do my best at any job I do because I feel my boss has bought my time for a certain length and is paying me for it; so my wants and desires should not come above his or hers. But I can honestly say that, at times in my life, I have not always paid my bills the way I should.

I learned to be a hard worker from Barney Eagon, my boss at the Blue Top Cafe in Lamar, Missouri. He was really strict - such as standing over my shoulder an making sure I did not put one more squirt of milk in the milk shake than was supposed to go or a drop more of chocolate than was required. He taught me that the customer is the King and without the customer there is no cafe and no jobs.

Barney, unknowingly, was preparing me for the hard life I was going to face raising my kids on my own. It was like boot camp working for him; but I am thankful he was like this because when I left the Blue Top Cafe and went to other jobs in other states, I met people who did not know how to work. I can truly say that Barney Eagon is the one person who really did teach me - "how to work."

I am very thankful for the lessons I mentioned from my mother, father, and Barney. I know, that this combination is what helped me to endure and overcome the hard times I encountered while raising my children and to succeed in this effort.

Barney's Funeral

When my boss, Barney Eagon, at the Blue top cafe in Lamar, Missouri died, I was fortunate enough to be in town which enabled me to attend his funeral. Most of the people who attended were his former employees plus his wife and two kids. There were not even twenty five people there.

I think people did not attend his funeral because they were jealous. These type of people hat to see the "little guy" get ahead. If they had thought it would have benefited them someway to attend, they would have knocked the doors down to get in. Such jealously is evil; and sick. They brown nosed him while he was alive but snubbed his memory in death.

This made me really sad. Barney was a life-long resident. He was a hard worker and became rich on his own. I respected him very much and still do.

I have worked many jobs since the Blue Top Cafe. On each job, there are always people who complain and talk bad about the boss. I can honestly say that I never once heard anyone say one crossword about Barney Eagon.

As far as I know, everyone respected him for the good boss that he was. We were all happy to have a job. He was strict, and things had to be his way or not at all. But through it all, he was highly respected by his employees. The evidence was shown at his funeral.

Me Not Knowing Which Way...

I was raised in the small town of Lamar, Missouri. Everyone in this little town thought the whole world revolved around Lamar, Missouri. They were, and most still are, small town provincial thinking people. I was programmed to, also, be this way.

I worked at the Blue Top Cafe as a waitress. I was in high school. A customer asked me, "Which direction is Pittsburgh, Kansas?" Well, what a big question to ask! I sure did not know! If it did not concern Lamar, who cared?

I asked my boss, Barney Eagon. He told me it was west of Lamar. I asked him which way was west. He pointed in the west direction; so I was able to tell the customer.

Barney told me something that I did not understand until years later. He told me taht a person should know what is going on around him and where things are around him. This way of thinking, at the atime, was way over my head.

Since that day, I have learned that lesson arney tried to teach me. I learned my directions; and I am aware of what is happening around me and where different cities and states are located. I have been to many of them. Oh, and by the way, Pitsburgh, Kansas is only twenty miles away from Lamar, Missouri.

Solitude is Marvelous...

Solitude is marvelous - it cannot be bought. A price cannot be put on it. Most do not want it even for free. They do not realize the meaning and solice that comes from solitude. To have clear thoughts - to be mentally capable of projecting thought to paper with the possibility of projecting them to the world for worthwhile benefits is a goal and accomplishment I would like to meet. It is what I could live for - it could be my purpose in life. I have accomplished other things I set out to do - mostly material. I have reached the level of aesthetic thinking in Maslow's hierarchy. I have surpassed it a long time ago. I have taken from the world everything I want. Now is the time for me to give back.

The Days of Stripping Were Insane...

The days of being a stripper were excitingly insane. I am glad I experienced them. I went so many places that I would never have gone if I had been a "normal" preson. I was restless. I wanted to see things. I can rest now with the comfort of knowing I have been everywhere I want to go and seen everything I want to see. Going places is boring to me now. Staying home at my house in the country with no car is, at this point in my life, exciting.



THE OLD STRIPPER - at the Kitchen Counter

People Only Want What They Can Get Out of You

People want what they can get out of you. When you are no longer any use to them, they discard you. My dad told me many times, "When you are up and going, everyone is your friend; but when you're down and out no one wants anything to do with you".

This is so true. I have seen it happen many times during my lifetime.

What a person needs to do is be themselves. Do what YOU ant to do; and od not do what others expect of you. YOU have to live with yourself - good or bad. YOU have to face yourself in the mirror each day. No one can do that but - YOU!

The 'Ropes of Life'...

I could talk about "the ropes of life". There arre many. Most are hard to learn; and the lesson stays with you for a long tme. Many leave scars on your heart forever. Some never have to face "the ropes of life". Some do. Which are the lucky ones? The ones who live in complete, blissful oblivion never having to face change, adventure, or challenge? Or the one who takes the world by the tail and spins it for all it is worth? Is ignorance bliss or is learning "the ropes of life" fantastic?