Tony Refusing Money from the Bum

There was this old grey headed Italian guy named Tony who owned a little grocery store on twelfth street in Kansas City, Missouri. It was lined up and attached to the go-go joints. He was always nice to me.

I remember one funny thing he told me. He said a bum came in to buy something and gave him a dollar that was all folded up and stinking. Tony said he could tell he had just got it out of his shoe. He told the bum, "Just take the damned stuff! You don't have to pay me. I don't want your stinking money!" It was more funny to hear Tony say it.

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Girls Who Gave Their Trick Money to Their Men

I am a very opened minded person - more than most people I know. But I encountered some dancers on the road who would sell their bodies to men to help support their husbands and boyfriends. I am not saying I never did this either; but all my money wnet to my kids. Maybe some would argue that that was my life and the husbands and the boyfriends that some of the strippers gave their trick money to - were their lives. I just feel that selling one's budy is humiliating enough to do it out of necessity let alone giving it to a man, espicially, one who is making no effort to work and is living off the woman.

The first time I ever encountered this type of "arrangement" was when I worked at a club in Kansas City, Missouri. I was really green. The owner's wife was a stripper. Her daughter became one later. His wife would leave the club with men during business hours (between shows). I asked her where she went. She told me she went to bed with these men for money. I asked her if her husband knew. She told me he did. She seemed not really bitter but hard. I did not understand that then; but I do now. I have, myself, became hard over the years in certain aspects, especially, when it comes to men. I used a lot of men back then. That is one thing I am not sorry about.

Another incident really shocked me concerning strippers selling their bodies and having a husband or a boyfriend. A really pretty young stripper who I worked with would take the men to her motel room and turn tricks while her so-called "man" waited in the bathroom. Since then, I have bacome more wiser. Her "man" probably got his thrills from watching.

There was one dancer that I really did feel sorry for. Her "man" would take all her money from dancing. She was broke all the time. To get money, she would trun tricks without her "man" knowing and sew the money in the hemline of her gowns. I felt sorry for her; but, at least, she was smart enough to not give the money to the "jerk" living off her.

It makes me sad to think about the dancer back then who let men use her in such manners as mentioned above. The ones she had sex with were not the worst culprits. They used her but paid her what she asked. It was a business deal. The worst user of her body was the one man who should have been helping her instead of having her sell her body for his benefit. These men were truly worst than the ones who paid the money.

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My Dad Telling Me I am the Scum of the Earth...

I had a lot of fun when I was working as a stripper. It was one of the best, if not the best, times of my life. Not only was I making enough money for my kids and me; but the job, also, provided a way for all of us to see places we would probably never been able to see if I had chosen a "regular" life for us.

My daddy once told me, "You're the scum of the earth - doin' that dancin' - takin' off your clothes! If you're gonna do that, you shouldn't of told your kids!" I reeplied to his comments by letting him know that I wanted my kids to know who I really am and love me for the kind of person I am and not for someone I pretended to be. I, also, made the decision when I started to dance as a stripper that I was not going to be ashamed of what I was doing and not hide it from anyone - not even my kids. I decided that if I was going to be ashamed of it, then I would not do it.

This type of thinking is something that my dad is incapable of acquiring because his mind is saturated with the life-style of the small-town hypocritical, provincial thinking that the people of Lamar, Missouri hold so high.

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Giving My Kids to a 'Regular' Family

I have always prided myself with the fact that I raised my two kids on my own with no help from anyone. There were many difficult times due to lack of money. There were many happy times. The happy times far outnumbered the difficult times. The whole time my kids were little and needed me was happy - even though we were not as well-off as most.

I always placed their needs and desires above anything and anybody. I know this made them happy; but it, also, made me happy.

Some people told me to give my children to a "regular" family - a mom and dad situation - and quit dragging them all over the country. But I loved them and still do more than life itself. I could not bare to think about them being with someone else.

Many tell me this was selfish and maybe it was. But I am able to look in the mirror today and know that I did the best I knew how and did not give them up.

If I would have given them up, maybe they would have been happier. But I would not go back and change it. I would keep my kids. Maybe I really am a selfish person drowning my selfishness with love. Mybe I was reallly placing my great desire before my children which was to have them with me. Maybe all the good things I did for them was really for me.

John's Declamation

While raising my children, I always put their needs and desires above everything and everybody. My mother always taught me what whe learned from her mother - "Other things will come and go; but your kids will always be there. You are not worth what you are made of if you do not take care of your kids." This has been a valuable lesson she taught me; and I carried it through all the difficult but happy times while raising my kids. I placed their desires above everything, even money, which I needed desperately because I was the only source of revenue for all of us.

It was nearing time for me to go to pick up my kids from their boarding schools. John's military school was going to have a little program. He was going to receite a little poem which he called, "my declamation." It was a contest. Whoever recited the best would win a medal. He had talked to me on the phone about it several times. He was so excited. He was really looking forward to my seeing him stand up in front of everyone and recite it; so was I.

A few days before his program, I got a call from my agent telling me that he had a booking for me for $600.00 for one week. I had not started making this much money and was estactic about it because this was the financial goal I had been trying to attain for a long time. There was only one problem. If I worked the week he wanted to book me, then I would miss John's declamation.

We needed the money. I called John and told him I was going to pick him up late because I had to work. He started crying, "You're gonna miss my declamation?!" That changed everything. I told him I would be there. He was happy and so was I. I needed this little six year old boy to remind me what was more important. And by the way, he won.

Fun Things Should Come First...

One of my main objectives in the raising of my children was to let them know that they had the choice of any lifestyle they desired. I was raised in a small town which was saturated with provincial thinking minds. Everybody was expected to meet certain status' of action. I wanted my kids to know that they did not have to act a certain way just because people thought they should.

In my hometown, any fun event was planned for months, even years ahead. I taught my children to do fun things on the "spur of the moment".

One example of this was when we would see such things as carnivals while we were traveling from one of my burlesk jobs to the next. I would pull over and stop the car; so we culd go to it. Sometimes I would be late for a show or miss some. But the loss of the money was worth it because I could see my kid's faces light up with joy.

People where I come from would not even dream of doing ths. "Work comes first! Fun comes later!" This small event would have to be planned ahead and worked around everything else.

As I look back now, I am glad I did different things like that. I almost always put the fun things first concerning my kids.

I once heard that when you come to die, you regret the things you did not do. "Life is short - eat your dessert first." I, also, heard, "I've talked to a lot of peole who were dying and none of them ever said that they wish they had spent more time working."

I instilled the desire for fun in my kids. I am glad I did this. I hope they will pass it on.

The Other Side of Life from Being a Stripper....

When I was raising my two kids, I wanted them to know about "life". I, also, wanted them to have a good education. I sent them to boarding schools because I was dancing as a stripper on the road. John went to military school in Tennessee his first, second, third, and fifth grade year. Melissa went to a girl's Catholic school in Kentucky her first and third year.

I was trying to balance their life of a good formal education with the "street" education they learned from being wiith me because I took them everywhere with me - even in the burlesk theaters.

The life style I gave them; and the type of people they were around when with me provided their "street smarts" while the boarding schools gave them the best education that I felt possible.

My mother took care of them in Lamar, Missouri during Melissa's second grade year and John's fourth grade year. That was a mistake. She had sprained her back from lifting at the nursing home where she worked. My dad told me I should have her take care of the kids and give her the money I paid to the schools to help her out. They were divorced at the time; but evidently he still cared about her.

Everytime I do something against what I feel is right, I mess up. I thought that maybe he was right, and I should do this to help her. It turned out disasterous.

Evidently her back made a full recovery or she had it cooked up with my dad to get money out of me. I paid her to keep the kids. She ended up going back to work. The kids went to school in the daytime. Mama worked from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m.; so the babysitter picked them up from school. She worked the weekends; so they were at the babysitters then, too. Mama had it worked out to be with them as little as possible and still get money from me. They hated it that year, especially, John. I was sorry I left them with her and still am.

During Melissa's fourth and fifth grade and John's sixth and seventh grade, they went to two different Catholic schools in Canton, Ohio. I was in love and wanted to be around him. I got a lot of work at the theater and worked at other dancing jobs in cities close by - such as Akron, Ohio, Youngstown, Ohio, and Pittsburgh, Pa.

John's eighth grade and Melissa's sixth grade was partially spent in Canton. Melissa was still in Catholic School; but John was too old for this school. I sen thom to a public school - wrong decision! John was used to discipline and rules. This was a typical public school which let the kids run wild. This was the main reason I moved back to Lamar, Missouri for the rest of the school year.

I decided that since John would be starting to high school next year - he needed to go to one school for four years. High school tuition at a military school was really expensive - more than I felt I could afford. I could have paid it; but I wanted to be with my kids; and I wanted John and Melissa to be settled in one school for their high school years.

The short time John went to the public school in Canton made me realize that if they had to go to public school, then it would be in a small town. John hated it. Melissa became wild.

I wish I would have kept them in the boarding schools for twelve years; so do they. It was an expensive, emotional experience that we all endured and a final decision fo me to make me realize to go by my own thoughts and emotions rather than what others "think I should do".

The Pervert Propositioning Me with My Kids

I was a stripper for approximately twenty years. I always looked down on the guys that came to my show. I always referred to them as "jack-offs". They were there for us to make money off them either through buying a ticket or buying a drink. Some were worse than others.

I am going to tell you about the worse one I ever encountered. And I do not, actually, know if he was a customer or not - I just assumed he was, at least, I do know he was a 'jack-off' in the worse way. He was a low scum of the earth.

My kids and I were walking to the hotel from the burlesk theater in Syracuse, New York. A car pulled up beside us. It was a low scum "jack-off" making a proposition to me. I could not believe what I was hearing.

I went over and hollered, cussed at him, kicked his car, and called him every bad name I knew. I screamed something in the order of, "You low-classed mother fucker! Here I am with my two kids; and you have the nerve to proposition me!" That was mild to what I said. Needless to say, he drove away.

I could not understand how someone could do that in front of children; but was mistakenly fooled back then as most people are today about certain people's actions.

Lucky for him that, at that point in my life, I was still stupid enough to not know the amount of so-called "people" who wanted kids for sex. That part did not even occur to me. If it had, my children would probably have been motherless. They would probably have put me in jail for murder if I could have got my hands on the low classed scum.

Getting in Trouble with a Pimp

To this day, I really do not know why I did this. I could have been killed. I guess it was just out of stuid curiousity. I do not know. At the time, I think I felt that I was trying to educate myself by understanding different people and different personalities - what made them tick. Maybe this was the reason I did what I am about to tell you about. I do not know. I could back-up my stupidity for this particular incident by saying it was for the purpose of understanding personalities based on the fact that I earned my bachelor of science in psychology years later. And I must admit that the first hand experience I received provided more information than anything I could have ever obtained from a textbook.

There was this young, good looking black man that hung around the Two O'Clock Club where I danced as a stripper in Boston, Massachusetts. He never bought any drinks and would say, "No" when hustled to buy some. He seemed to be friends with one of the waitresses. I found out later from other dancers that he was a pimp.

I had never talked to a pimp before as far as I knew. I told myself that I should talk to him and try to understand this type of personality. The approach I decided to use was not too appropriate as far as my personal safety was concerned.

I could not go to him and say, "Heh! I hear you're a pimp. Could I interview you and study your personality?" So I decided on the dangerous approach. I acted like I wanted to work for him.

As far as I can remember, I just went up and told him I wanted to make more money, and I wasn't sure how to do it. I needed someone to show me how. I played the dumb stripper act to the hilt. It worked too good.

Immediately he lit into me. "Listen, Bitch, give me some money. If you haven't got paid, give me what you got on you now. You hear me, Bitch? You pay me to be your man. I know where you work. I know where you live. You have me some money by 2:00 a.m. or leave the state of Massachusetts. You hear me, Bitch? The money at 2:00 or else!"

Needless to say, I was scared. I went and told my girlfriend and roommate, Lori, about what happened. I told her that she didn't have to walk home with me tonight if she didn't want to because he might be there to hurt me. She said she would never leave me alone to face someone like that.

He never showed up after work. I sure was glad. As a matter-of-fact, I do not ever remember seeing him around after that.

I think my friend must have said something to him. She had a way of being forceful with words towards these type of men.

I watched my words AND my curiousity very carefully from that moment on.