Fasting and the Dancing Telling Me it was a Beautiful Thing...

It really makes me sad to know that so many "regular", "normal" people do not possess some of the good, aesthic feelings and attitudes that a lot of the strippers who I worked with had. Most of these girls had crossed over the brink of normality and were living in a mental world of spirituality above what the basic normal, everyday person cannot understand and will never attain. I attained this level of thought and have kept it all through my life.

I was in the early stages of learning how to fast. I was at the little cafe, The Golden Pheasant in Canton, Ohio - next to the burlesk theater, The State Theater. I was drinking only liquids that day. Even though I was used to it because I did it quite frequently, at least, one day a week, it was still difficult to do, especially, with everyone around me eating. But I had reached the level of thought and consciousness that permitted me to surpass my hunger pains and led me to a higher level.

Not many people understand this way yof life. It made me feel really good when one of the strippers sitting across from me said, "Wild Star, what you are doing is a beautiful thing." At that point, I knew the people I was associating with were real and good. I knew that I would never know people like this back home. Nobody back there would ever be able to comprehend in the slightest what she was talking about. I do not remember her name or even what she looked like. But that one sentence has stuck in my mind for the rest of my life, especially, when I fast; and I know that it is right.

Giving My Kids to a 'Regular' Family

I have always prided myself with the fact that I raised my two kids on my own with no help from anyone. There were many difficult times due to lack of money. There were many happy times. The happy times far outnumbered the difficult times. The whole time my kids were little and needed me was happy - even though we were not as well-off as most.

I always placed their needs and desires above anything and anybody. I know this made them happy; but it, also, made me happy.

Some people told me to give my children to a "regular" family - a mom and dad situation - and quit dragging them all over the country. But I loved them and still do more than life itself. I could not bare to think about them being with someone else.

Many tell me this was selfish and maybe it was. But I am able to look in the mirror today and know that I did the best I knew how and did not give them up.

If I would have given them up, maybe they would have been happier. But I would not go back and change it. I would keep my kids. Maybe I really am a selfish person drowning my selfishness with love. Mybe I was reallly placing my great desire before my children which was to have them with me. Maybe all the good things I did for them was really for me.