My Parents Never Loved Me....

I have always felt that my mother and father have never loved me. I am fifty four years old and still feel this way. I would like to know the reason before I die why they do not.

One time a friend of mine, actually a lover back in the late seventy's, by the name of George Pappas explained to me why he thought they never loved me. He said that since I was the third child and my parents already had the perfect family - a boy and a girl, that my arrival put a boomerang in their idea of a perfect family. Also, at one month old I became ill with the hoopen cough which caused the leaders of my eyes to weaken; thus I became cross eyed. Back when I was a kid, any type of deformity - anything less than perfect - was considered as retarded. So, as George explained to me, having an unwanted third child, and being labeled as retarded is a possible explanation for their not loving me. I do remember, many time, my mother saying, "I don't know what's ever gonna become of Opal!"

I have worried and cried over their not loving me many times over the years. I have tried to do different things to make them love me and to feel acceptance from them. None has worked. I might think that maybe I am wrong; but the same feelings have been with me for my entire life; so this leads me to believe that maybe they are real feelings and they have never ever loved me. The feelings have intensified over the years form different actions my parents have done to prove their unlove for me.

As I said, I always felt unloved by them; but I was never copletely sure of this until I had my own children. The strong love I have for them shows me that my parents do not love me. I have never felt one fraction fo the type of love I have for my children from my parents.

One time I asked a fortune teller why my parents have never loved me. She told me that I have an old soul and that the type of love I am capable of having and projecting - they do not even comprehend.

Many times I wish that I did not love them as much as I do; but I am happy to know that I am capable of projecting a strong love for my children - something that I have never had and will never have. I will never have this type of love from my parents. But I am more lucky than they are; and I feel sorry for them because een though I will never feel this type of love, they are far worse off than me because they will never be capable of giving it.