My Parents Never Loved Me....

I have always felt that my mother and father have never loved me. I am fifty four years old and still feel this way. I would like to know the reason before I die why they do not.

One time a friend of mine, actually a lover back in the late seventy's, by the name of George Pappas explained to me why he thought they never loved me. He said that since I was the third child and my parents already had the perfect family - a boy and a girl, that my arrival put a boomerang in their idea of a perfect family. Also, at one month old I became ill with the hoopen cough which caused the leaders of my eyes to weaken; thus I became cross eyed. Back when I was a kid, any type of deformity - anything less than perfect - was considered as retarded. So, as George explained to me, having an unwanted third child, and being labeled as retarded is a possible explanation for their not loving me. I do remember, many time, my mother saying, "I don't know what's ever gonna become of Opal!"

I have worried and cried over their not loving me many times over the years. I have tried to do different things to make them love me and to feel acceptance from them. None has worked. I might think that maybe I am wrong; but the same feelings have been with me for my entire life; so this leads me to believe that maybe they are real feelings and they have never ever loved me. The feelings have intensified over the years form different actions my parents have done to prove their unlove for me.

As I said, I always felt unloved by them; but I was never copletely sure of this until I had my own children. The strong love I have for them shows me that my parents do not love me. I have never felt one fraction fo the type of love I have for my children from my parents.

One time I asked a fortune teller why my parents have never loved me. She told me that I have an old soul and that the type of love I am capable of having and projecting - they do not even comprehend.

Many times I wish that I did not love them as much as I do; but I am happy to know that I am capable of projecting a strong love for my children - something that I have never had and will never have. I will never have this type of love from my parents. But I am more lucky than they are; and I feel sorry for them because een though I will never feel this type of love, they are far worse off than me because they will never be capable of giving it.

High Power Watched Over Me

I went throught a period of drinking alcohol after my kids reached eighteen. I felt a relief that I had done my job - an accomplishment of having raised them to adulthood.

My drinking went too far. One time, I blacked out and woke up on a bridge driving to North Kansas City. At that point, I knew there was a higher power. There was no way I was in control of the car. Someone besides me was driving.

This, also, happened to me many othere time like when I would wake up at home but did not remember driving home. If it had not been for the higher power watching over me while I was heavily drinking, I would not be able to write about it now.

I really do believe that my life has been saved to do some good. I hope I realize the good I am supposed to do and do it.

Opal's X-RATED GRANDMA Doritos commercial:

Higher Power that Helped Us...

There have been many experiences that I have endured since I left Lamar, Missouri. Nobody was as dumb as me. I am glad I lived through all of them. I am glad my children lived through all of them. I was so ignorant of the world - not only the big things that happened but, also, the small things. I did not realize the potential dangers that many of my actions put my children and me in. If I had to do over, I would not have taken the chances that I took. But since it is over, and we all lived through it, I am glad I took the chances. If I had not, we would not have done and seen all the things that we experienced. From this, I know that there is a higher ower that watched over us and protected us and always directed my thoughts to do the right things as best I could. If it had not been for this higher power, we would not be here today.

Stripper Fell Asleep....

One of my managers, I will not mention any names, at one of the burlesk theaters where I worked was always bragging about how he was so good at sex. One day he told my friend who was the projectionist, "I fucked that girl so hard last night she passed out!" When this same stripper came to the theater, she told my friend that she went home with the manager last night. She said, "He was so boring, I fell asleep!"

Guy Told Stripper No Steaks, if No Bed

I worked with a girl as a stripper in Syracuse, New York - I do not remember her name - who told me about going to a guy's apartment. He was a regular customer; so she felt pretty safe. He asked her to his place to eat some steaks. While the steaks were cooking, he came in and said, "Well, we have time to go to bed while the steaks are cooking!" She told him she did not want to go to bed. He replied, "If you don't fuck, you don't eat!" She told him to stick his steaks up his ass and left.

Lori and I Hiding Our Pay in our Suitcases

When my friend, Lori, and I decided to go to Boston to strip at the 2 O'Clock Club, we were broke. I used the payment that I was going to send off to my son John's military school for our plane tickets. We were able to get a draw at the club when we arrived to get us by for the week until we made some money.

The night we got paid we his our money in our suitcases. The dressing room was upstairs above the club. We got our suitcases and walked down the stairs. When we reached the bottom of the stairs, we both looked into our suitcases to see if the money was still in them.

What was so funny about this is we had just put the money in the suitcases right before we walked down the stairs. I do not know where we thought it would go. Also, neither one of us knew the other one was going to look in her suitcase. We laughed about it. Our brains were on the same wave length. I guess it had been so long since we had had any moey that we wanted to make sure it did not go anywhere.

Opal's new episode of THE X-RATED GRANDMA: