Traffic Laws in Kansas City....

When I first started driving in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, I found that they had more traffic laws than what I had been used to experiencing in the small town of Lamar, Missouri. One such law involved parking.

One day during the five-o'clock rush hour, I was driving in downtown Kansas City looking for a parking spot. I had driven around for quite sometime when I saw one. I really felt lucky and wondered why nobody else had parked in it. I parked my car and went to wherever I was supposed to be going.

When I came out to my car, much to my surprise, my car was gone. I thought, "Oh! No! Someone stole my car!" I called the police. They came over. They asked me where my car was parked. I showed them. Then they showed me! They pointed to a sign - a No Parking - Tow Away sign.

Another incident relating to the big city's driving laws which I learned the hard way concerned one-way streets. I had never heard of one-way streets before in my whole life. I soon found out that they existed. I am just glad I lived through the experience.

One day in Kansas City, I was driving down the street. Suddenly, I saw a lot of cars coming toward me on my side of the street. I was frantic! They kept coming - one after the other. They were honking their horns at me and hollering obscenities. I thought, "These people are nuts! Why are they driving on the wrong side of the road? And why are they mad at me? They are the ones doing the wrong thing!

Soon, I learned that it was me who was doing the wrong thing when a compassionate driver, instead of showing his middle finger, used his index finger to point to a sign that said ONE WAY!

Medians in the middle of the road were another thing that I had never encountered in Lamar, Missouri and had never heard about. The policeman who stopped me for this violation was more dumbfounded from my improper driving act than I was from the new law I was about to encounter - new to me, anyway.

I was driving on Paseo Street in Kansas City, Missouri. There was a lot of traffic. I needed to get to the other side because I needed to go in the other direction. There was only one problem - a big piece of cement in the middle of the road which separated my raod from the one I wanted to take. I really did think it was stupid to have a big piece of cement in such a location; but I really saw no big problem from it. I just drove my car over the cement and got on the other side.

I was driving along when a policeman stopped me. He asked me why I went over the median like that. I did not know what he was talking about. He said, shaking his head, "That's the first time I ever saw anything like that - someone just driving over the median to the other side of the road". Finally, I realized what he was talking about. I replied sarcastically, "Oh! You mean that big piece of cement in the middle of the road? I drove over it because I had to get to the other side". He told me I could not do that and asked if I as drinking. I told him that I as not drinking and that I act like this all the time. He told me that he would not give me a ticket but for me to never do that again. I was confused and asked him how I could get to the other side of the road without driving over the cement. He explained to me how to go to the light and turn around. I asked him, "You mean I have to go all the way up to the light and turn back this way?" He said, "Yes". I was still baffled by this rule when I asked him why they put big cement blocks in the middle of the road anyway. He just shook his head and walked away, but said as he was leaving, "I'm not going to give you a ticket. You have enough problems the way it is!:

Opal as PHONE SEX GRANDMA:

Parking Lots in Kansas City....

When I first started go-go dancing in Kansas City, Missouri, I was, basically, a "hick from the sticks". There were basic everyday things that people used in the city that I was not aware such as parking lots. I had never parked in a parking lot before in my life. This was a big deal for me. My hometown, Lamar, Missouri, did not have parking lots.

It took me awhile to adjust to parking lots. I experienced some terrifying incidents before I got used to using parking lots. One example of such incident occurred one time when I parked my car in a parking lot in downtown Kansas City and then went to work. It was still daylight when I parked my car; but when I got off work, it was night. Not realizing that there was more than one parking lot in Kansas City, I went to the first parking lot I saw. I did not see my car. I was terrified. I walked around a little and saw another parking lot. I thought, "What is this? Two parking lots?" Now I was not only terrified but, also, confused. I had not realized that when I parked my car that I should have noted the street the parking lot was on. I did not do this because I was unaware that Kansas City even had more than one parking lot. This thought did not enter my mind.

Just by luck. I finally did find my car. I, eventually, learned that night that unlike Lamar, Kansas City has more than one of almost everything, especially, parking lots.

Opal as PHONE SEX GRANDMA:

Cars Following Me....

When I was traveling from state to state while dancing as a stripper, I encountered a lot of weird people. I always tried to be as careful as possible. Once in awhile I would have some nut follow me from the theater or club after work. Soon, I was lucky enough to figure out how to get rid of him with no problems or confrontations.

As soon as I arrived in a city, I would find out where the police station was. That way, if someone was following me, I would not get excited. I would just drive normally making him think everything was alright, and that I was going for it. Little did he know I was headed for the police station. I would just pull up in front of the station. The car following me would speed out as fast as possible.

One time, before I had figured this out, someone was following me from the State Burlesk Theater in Canton, Ohio. I was staying at the Towne Manor Motel. I was really scared. All I wanted to do was get to my room. I was too scared to realize that I should not let him know where I lived.

As soon as I arrived at the motel I ran in the office and told Ruth, the desk clerk, that I was being followed. She immediately got a pen and paper and went to the door. The car pulled up. He saw her with the pen and paper. Knowing that she was going to write his license's plate number down prompted him to speed away. He almost hit a car in the oncoming traffic.

Quite a few years before this just when I was barely starting to go-go dance part-time on twelth street in Kansas City, Missouri, I left work and was heading home when I noticed a car following me. I took streets and alleys I did not know trying to lose them. I was so scared. I did not know my way around Kansas City at all; but I did know that if I could find Truman Road that maybe I could make it to Vitale's Restaurant which was, at least, ten miles away. There were always police cars parked across the street; so I thought that if I could, at least, make it there that I would be safe.

Thankfully, I found Truman Road. They were still following me. I was running stoplights hoping that a policeman would stop me. Unfortunaletly, it seemed like we were the only vehicles on the road. The car would get even with me; and the driver would look over really mean at me. I really think I could recognize him today if I saw him.

I was so lucky I did not have car trouble or something. I made it to the restaurant. To my relief, the police cars were parked across the street. I pulled up by them and told them what happened. The car sped away - out of sight.

I look back now and wonder why the police did not pursue the car. But I am so happy I lived though it.

Opal's new episode of THE X-RATED GRANDMA:

Streaking A Formal Affair - Canton, Ohio

I really did some pretty weird, insane things back when I was a stripper before I was even thirty years old. The things I did were not to hurt anyone. I just delighted in the thrill of shocking someone with certain off the wall behaviors.
One such incident was the time Jim Manos who managed the State Burlesk Theater in Canton, Ohio wanted me to pull a prank on a big party. There was a class reunion at a big fancy country club. Some of the guys at the reunion asked Jim if he could get a stripper to streak the party. Guess who Jim asked. Of course, anything for a laugh and a chance to shock some uppitty people was right down my alley.
Jim showed me the map of the country club dining area. Still, I was not sure how to get out of the place; but I wanted to do it anyway.
He drove me out to the country club and parked across the big lawn. I walked through the front dorr - naked as a jaybird. No one was around. I heard some people talking and looked in the large fancy dining area. The men were in tuxedoes and the women were in formal gowns. It looked like a senior prom "get together".
At that point, I ran upon the stage, bent over, spread my butt cheeks in front of the crowd, and ran out the back door. At least, I thought it was the back door. Turns out, it was the kitchen. One of the cooks hollered, "Call the police!" I thought, "Oh! No! How can I get out?" Luckily, I saw another door and ran to it. It went outside. I was running down the steps. Two chauffeurs were sitting on each side of the steps. I said, "Hi!" they replied, "Hi!" We were all three really
nonchalant - like, "Ho! Hum!"
I saw Jim's car across the lawn. I ran and got in it. We both had a big laugh.


Special Quote, Written By Opal Dockery on July 17, 2003, a 40 year old vegan:
"Humans and non-humans are animals. All deserve an equal right to be treated with dignity and respect. One species has no right to rule over another in any manner such as slavery or determining the other's fate as with death. Until humanity as a whole realizes this, no peace will ever be available."

I Took Chances On The Road With My Small Children

I was really lucky when I was raising my two kids. I was so dumb back then that our mere survival has reinforced the fact of knowing that there was a higher force looking out for us.
I took a lot of chances back then that I would not take now. I did not realize the full danger that could happen in certain situations. But being twenty four with no life experiences compared to fifty four with an abundance of life experiences explains why I was this way.
I am glad that I was dumb back then because if I had not been, we would not have done all the things we did and went all the places we went. I would have been too worried. Sometimes I think back; and it scares me to think about the chances I took with our lives and well-being. This reaffirms the knowledge inside me of the fact that there was a higher power looking out for all of us because I was too young and inexperienced in life to realize what bad things could have happened.
One example of this was when I used to take my kids in the burlesk theaters with me. They were too small to leave alone; so they would wait in the dressing rooms until my shows were over.
I was so lucky that no one called the law on me for taking minor children into a burlesk theater, especially, one that played porno movies.
I am not sorry I did this. My children grew up with open minds. This street smart education they received from my way of life balanced with the formal education of boarding schools and other private schools where I sent them. Many people look down on me for this. But what they learned from the street smart education has benefited them a great deal.
I would not take the chances now that I did back then because I would be afraid of someone calling the police plus there were many dangers that could have happened to us. But I must truly say; since we all lived through it, that I am glad I was not so smart back then.

Special Quote:

"Humans and non-humans are animals.
All deserve an equal right to be
treated with dignity and respect. One
species has no right to rule over
another in any manner such as slavery
or determining the other's fate as with
death. Until humanity as a whole
realizes this, no peace will ever be
available."

Written By: Opal Dockery, July 17, 2003

Tijuana Showing Her Monkey....

I worked as a stripper at the Follie's Burlesque Theater in Kansas City, Missouri with a girl named Tijuana. She was pretty with long black hair that came past her rear end. She probably weighted about 110 pounds, was maybe 5 feet tall, and had a really nice figure. She was from Guatemala and the wife of the manager, John Ory. She had a pet monkey. She would carry it in her bag on her shoulder.

One day she was walking in front of the burlesk theater. A big bus full of young guys drove by. The bus stopped at the light in front of the theater. They all hollered sexual remarks to her.

She hollered back, "Do you want to see my monkey?" Well, you know what the anser to that was. Unfortuately, for them they did not get to see the kind of monkey they thought she was going to show them. She opened up her bag and held up her monkey and said, "Here! Look at my monkey!"

Opal as THE X-RATED GRANDMA:

Jack-Off Backstage - Kansas City, Mo.

There were some men who hung around the strippers like puppy dogs. Some people called them "stage-door johnny's". Most of us girls called them "jack-offs". They would do almost anything to be around the strippers. We used a lot of these guys for money, clothes, food, or whatever. Sometimes we just messed with their heads.
One such person was a guy who was friends with the manager in Kansas City, Missouri at the Follie's Burlesk Theater. He had an open ticket to come backstage because he was the manager's friend. This did not bother us girls though. We were used to his hanging around.
He pretended to be a photographer. I really do not know if he was or not. But some of the girls did go out with him for a free meal and free publicity pictures.
One time one of the dancers commented that when he came backstage, he would not look at our faces. He would always gaze between our legs. She said, "It's like he's talking to my pussy!" That was really funny.
But we girls did not help the matter. Whenever he came backstage, we were usually completely naked.. We did not bother to cover up. We could have very easily covered up: but we saw no need. We figured - "If he can't stand the heat, he had beter get out of the kitchen!"
The projectionists and any other man that worked in the theater did not think anything about coming backstage and seeing us naked.It was no big deal. This guy was backstage so much that we considered him no big deal - just another "jack-off".

Special Quote:

"Humans and non-humans are animals. All deserve an equal right to be treated with dignity and respect. One species has no right to rule over another in any manner such as slavery or determining the other's fate as with death. Until humanity as a whole realizes this, no peace will ever be available."

Written on July 17, 2003 by Opal Dockery, 40 year old vegan.